Psalm 51'd

"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions."

O Beloved... how can I ask this of You? How can I plead with You to deal with me not according to my sin and weakness, but according to Your lovingkindness and compassion... when it is in this very area that I have sinned! Indeed, I have dealt with others according to their sin, to their weakness. Oh, wretched me...

"Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin."

Oh, can it be? Could I really walk free from this blot? Especially since...

"...I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me. "

Sometimes it's hard to imagine being anything other than wretched... especially now that I see the truth... it's not just sin against my brothers and sisters...

"Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge."

Is there any hope, when....

"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me."

Ah, well, there is one thing we have going for us now...honest confession...

"Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom."

Oh! I remember brother James' words... "confess your sins that you may be healed"... And look here... now I gain boldness to say to You:

"Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. "

There's light ahead... I'm starting to believe that I may again hear something other than the enemy's accusing voice... and feel something other than the sting of Your rebuke...

"Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice."

And oh! That I might be able to walk with You again, believing that You really aren't even thinking of my sin at all...

"Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities."

Oh, I hear You whisper again: "To the pure in heart all things are pure." Would you really refer to me that way again? "Sure!"

"Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Steadfast! Yeah!!!

"Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me."

Haaa!!! It already seems almost silly to think I started this whole thing feeling like You had taken Your Spirit...

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit."

Your joy is my strength! You delight... in me! Ha!

"Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners will be converted to You."

Oh, would You be so kind as to allow me to see others turn to You?? To see them take up Your joy?? May we sing the rest together...

"Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise. For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. By Your favor do good to Zion; Build the walls of Jerusalem. Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices, In burnt offering and whole burnt offering; Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar."

Oh, dear One... All along, all I could ever offer You was a broken heart, broken with the things that have always broken Your own heart. Here is my weakness, made strong in You. Here are my feeble wings... I'd rather soar under Yours! xo

Shabbat shalom fellow followers of the Way...